Wow-They weren't kidding when they said the wait is the hardest part. It's only been about a month in a 1/2 since we went active with Lifetime Adoptions and I am already getting antsy. I bring my phone everywhere in case they call. Everyday I pray they call but they don't. Today I find myself feeling very sad and wondering if I will ever be a mother. I didn't sleep very well last night and woke up and had a good cry after breakfast. Everyday I see others around me having babies and it makes me sad. Of course I am happy for everyone else but I want to experience the wonderful joys everyone else is posting about on their facebook or myspace pages and experience motherhood first hand. I have never wanted something so badly in my life.
I'm tired of taking things one step at a time. I'm tired of waiting. I'm just plan tired. Each month I still have that little hope inside me that I will be pregnant and that the next one will stick but this morning I realized I am so tired of all the worry. I am so ready to adopt a baby and really start my family with my husband. Today I just feel so broken. I know it is normal to have days like this and these feelings will too pass but I am just so ready.
Maybe I am feeling extra down because this Friday I should be celebrating our little boy's first birthday on May 22nd. He is the only baby we acutally saw a heartbeat with and then 3 weeks later he was gone. I still think about that day. The day I had to call my husband and tell him I lost yet another baby of ours. We were so close that time it still hurts to not know why we lost him.
I know I have to keep looking forward and not looking back at the past but it is just so hard sometimes. I look forward to the day we get that call from Lifetime and get to talk to our birth mother. I look forward to the day I get to finally bring my baby home and show him or her to the world. I look forward to making my parents grandparents and my brother an uncle finally. I look forward to the day I get to make my husband a father. I look forward to the day I am finally a mother.
Hang in there pretty girl, it will happen for you. Remember that annoying saying...."Good things happen to those who wait." It will be tough in the short run, but well worth it! :-)
ReplyDeleteHey - we are in AZ too and also used LT to adopt last year. I've "been there, done that." Leave me a comment (it goes to our email) with your email address and I'll drop you an email back. I'd love to encourage you any way I can and share our experiences with you. :) Good luck! Your baby will find you soon! :)
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