Dad's surgery and my visit to the hospital

Today I talked to our agency and we should hear back regarding what changes we need to make to our profile book hopefully tomorrow. Once we get those changes we will send the final off to the printer to make the 50 books which will be mailed off to birth moms to learn more about us. I've been feeling really antsy lately. I just want to get this going and go active on the website and have birth moms start viewing us and hopefully get chosen soon.

Today my dad had surgery and while I was at the hospital 4 times I heard the lullaby that indicated a baby was born. It made me wish I was at the hospital for that same reason. When I arrived to the hospital this morning I was to meet my mom on the 2nd floor. Once I got off the elevator I had two options. Go right to the the OB birthing unit or go left to the surgery waiting room. I was so tempted to go to the right and see if I could view any new moms rocking their newborn babies but I resisted. As I made my way left to the waiting room I passed by the OB Birthing classroom. I'll admit it, when I went to the same hospital in 2005 for my mom's surgery I really thought the next time I would be there would be because I was giving birth. That is always the hospital I have dreamed of having my baby at. I pass by it every time I go to my parent's house.

Some days I think I am resolved to the fact that I may never give birth and some days it is that much harder to deal with that reality. I guess I just feel blessed and lucky enough to know what it is like to get a positive on that pregnancy test or to see a baby with a heartbeat on that monitor. I know some women don't even get those little joys and I did and for that I am forever grateful.

I am so excited to adopt and I know that this is the path Weston and I were supposed to take all along. We will love the baby we adopt so much and I know we will not be able to comprehend how our lives would be different without him or her once they arrive. I used to believe that to be a mom I would have to give birth myself but now I see that is not the case and I know that will become more obvious when I am finally holding that precious baby in my arms.

Who knows what the journey ahead holds for us. Maybe we will adopt more than one, maybe we won't. I am just so excited for the day when we finally get to bring our own little miracle home and show him or her off to the world. Praying that is sooner rather than later. If all goes well we should be active with the adoption agency by next week!!