And Baby Makes 3....... Finally!!!

22 Months Old!

2011-02-26T21:39:00.000-08:00

22 Months Old!

I can't believe I am getting ready to plan Kayla's 2nd Birthday!! Wow! We've done so much the past year. Swim lessons, trips to New York, Canada, LA, San Diego, and of course Disneyland! Now we are venturing in to the world of gymnastics. Kayla is running, jumping, and talking up a storm. We have to watch what we say because she repeats EVERYTHING! She is such a smart little girl!

Her favorite movies right now are Tinkerbell and the Great fairy Rescue, Finding Nemo, Monster's Inc, and The Princess and the Frog and of course Yo Gabba Gabba and Elmo :) The time is passing by way too fast!

18 Months Old Already?!?

2010-10-19T15:04:00.000-07:00

18 Months Old Already?!?

It's hard to believe Kayla is 18 months old already! She is talking up a storm and is practically a parrot repeating everything we say. We have had a lot going on. We recently moved back to downtown Phoenix and K started a new daycare. She seems to love going because every time I go to pick her up she doesn't want to leave! She sees me and begins laughing and running around the room! LOL That is great news because the first day we dropped her off at the new place I was balling my eyes out. I felt like I was sending my baby away to college! Needless to say I will be a total mess when she starts her first day of kindergarten but thankfully we have a while before that happens.

This past weekend we took her and her cousins the McDonald's Pumpkin Patch in Scottsdale. The kids had a blast at the petting zoo, on the hay ride, and picking out pumpkins. This weekend? Boo at the Zoo and the Children's Museum of Phoenix. Fall is a great time in Phoenix. The weather is beautiful and there are so many outside things to do which is nice since we have been couped up inside all summer trying to escape the heat.

Everyday Kayla is doing something new. She truly is amazing. I LOVE being a MOMMA!!!! It is the best job I have ever had.

Where does the time go?

2010-05-24T13:57:00.001-07:00

It's hard to believe K is 13 months old now! Where does the time go? She is motoring around now that she has the hang of walking and I am diligently chasing after her trying to keep up! It's amazing to think that a year ago I was praying for this little miracle to enter our lives and now I am tripping over toys and doing an extra set of laundry. I LOVE IT! I wouldn't change a thing. This paste weekend we had "Girl's Day Out" at the zoo with my friend Lynn and her daughter Sean. We had a blast. I look forward to many more Mother/Daughter days out to come.

Before I Was A Mom

2010-04-28T11:05:00.001-07:00

A friend sent this to me today in an email and it brought me to tears. I am so happy to be a mommy.

Before I was a Mom,
I never tripped over toys
or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not
my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom,
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.
I had complete control of my mind
and my thoughts.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held down a screaming child
so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night
watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held a sleeping baby just because
I didn't want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces
when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small
could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom,
I didn't know the feeling of
having my heart outside my body..
I didn't know how special it could feel
to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond
between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small
could make me feel so important and happy.
Before I was a Mom,
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night
every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth,
the joy,
the love,
the heartache,
the wonderment
or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much,
before I was a Mom

-UNKNOWN

Great segment on The Today Show

2010-04-01T09:31:00.000-07:00

I'm so glad that the Today Show did a story on coping with infertilty and pregnancy loss. Hopefully this gives some insight to those who aren't familiar with the world of infertility and the impact it has on a couple's life.

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/26184891/vp/36132909#36132909

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

The View

2010-02-26T08:50:00.000-08:00

I am so glad The View dedicated an entire show to Infertility and Multiple Miscarriages. Too many couples experience this heartbreaking journey. Please take some time to watch this 38 min episode.

If you are going through the struggle to start your family please also consider joining RESOLVE- The National Infertility Association. They were a huge support system for me when I was "unresolved" and I met some amazing women with whom I am very close friends with still today.

To see segment go to the link below:

http://abc.go.com/watch/the-view/167365/252234/the-view-225

RESOLVE Website:
http://www.resolve.org/site/PageServer

Join us for the Walk of Hope March 20th!
http://www.resolve.org/site/Calendar/540182735?view=Detail&id=35161

The Walk of Hope is held to give hope to those facing infertility and to celebrate those families formed through adoption and medical intervention. For 1 in 8 couples in the United States, the dream of creating a family is a long, emotional and expensive journey. Infertility is a devastating disease, touching every aspect of life - physical, emotional, spiritual and financial.

RESOLVE works to increase public awareness of the issues surrounding infertility and the various family-building options available to those facing this disease.

Feeling Kind of Sad Right Now

2010-01-04T19:52:00.000-08:00

A week ago today I lost my little puppy Gidget. She was my baby doll, my cuddle bug. We don't know what happened exactly. She was fine Sunday night and then Monday morning everything just went down hill. She wouldn't eat, wouldn't drink, and was moaning. I took her to the vet and they thought she may have pancreatitis. They took an x-ray, gave her some fluids, gave me some meds and sent me home. Just a few hours later she died in my arms. It is kind of a double edged sword. I'm glad she didn't die alone and I was holding and kissing her as she took her last breath but I'm also heart broken I had to witness it.

See, Gidget was more than a puppy. She was with me through each one of my pregnancy losses. Each time I would come home from the doctor's office with the bad news that another baby had passed away she was there to lick away my tears and cuddle with me. When we brought our daughter Kayla home I remember picking her up and telling her, "See Gidg? This is what we have been waiting so long for!" I may be crazy but I totally felt like she "got it" and understood what I was saying. It's hard to believe that she is gone. I will miss her dearly. I love you Gidgi.

Gidget
9/25/05-12/28/09

Christmas 2009 Looking On to 2010

2009-12-27T20:23:00.000-08:00

What an amazing Christmas 2009 turned out to be! Kayla received tons of presents! We hosted our family holiday party, like we do every year, and opened presents as a family of 3 Christmas morning. (Grandma Tosto joined us too) Then we went over to Papa Tosto and Grandma Tosto's house where Baby K was spoiled even more by Santa!

My favorite part of Christmas has always been watching others open up their presents. Sure it is nice getting presents yourself but watching their faces light up when they get that gift they have been wanting-that is what makes the holiday for me.

2010 is just around the corner. It's hard to believe what a 180 life has been for us this past year. I can't wait to see what wonderful things 2010 brings. One this is for sure, I will never forget this Christmas. It was by far the best Christmas ever. Becoming a mom is the greatest gift I was given this year!

Happy New Year to All!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from The Watson's!

2009-12-10T10:36:00.001-08:00

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

It's Official!

2009-11-14T17:22:00.000-08:00

It's Official! She's ours!! Tuesday, November 3rd, Kayla's adoption became finalized.
We had a ton of family show up for our hearing and we celebrated Kayla's big day by hanging out with her grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins at the state fair. She had a blast!

It's amazing the day has finally come. I guess after everything we have been through with the pregnancy losses I was always waiting for the bottom to fall out from underneath us but I now know that this was meant to be! Adoption has been such a wonderful blessing in our lives. Kayla is truly an amazing little girl and she brings so much joy to our lives.

At the petting zoo at the state fairFun in the photo booth at the AZ State Fair

Thank you to everyone who has supported us along the way. We couldn't have done it without you!

Baby K's first Halloween and TV Appearance!

2009-11-01T19:33:00.000-08:00

BABY K 'S FIRST HALLOWEEN!

This is the first Halloween I have enjoyed in years! In 2007 I missed out on Halloween because I was having surgery due to my 3rd pregnancy loss. 2008 I had just lost my job right when we we were about to sign on with Lifetime to start the adoption process so we weren't in the hoiliday spirit that year either. What a 180 from the past 2 years!

This Halloween weekend started out with Baby K and her cousin Carter on the Fox 10 AZ Morning Show. This is the station where my husband and I met 7 1/2 years ago! It felt so good to walk into that studio where it all began and bring our daughter in to meet everyone. Her and Carter hammed it up for the camera naturally! See video below!

Baby K and her cousin Carter on Fox 10 AZ Morning 10-30-09

Halloween Day started out with Baby K and I doing the JDRF Walk. (she was a pumpkin) This was her 2nd fundraiser walk and she had a blast walking to cure diabetes. We walked as part of Jack's Pack Team! http://www.jacks-pack.blogspot.com/

Halloween Night our little pumpkin turned into Tinkerbell and joined her cousins for a night of Trick-or-Treating. Bryce, Aunt Rhea, Baby K, Mommy, Aunt Courtney, and Carter

Baby K, Carter, and Bryce

Baby K and cousin Bryce

Motherhood

2009-10-11T13:04:00.001-07:00

MOTHERHOOD

Someone asked me today how I like being a mom. Answering that question was easy...

I LOVE IT!!

Motherhood is exactly what I dreamed it would be and so much more. It's a tough job but so worth it and I wouldn't change one second. Even during those crazy mornings when my head just wants to hit the pillow and get another 40 winks I know I have a little baby in the nursery waiting for me to get her up to start her day. It's amazing. I never thought I would finally be here.

Me and Baby K after the Race for the Cure walk 10-11-09
Lunch Time!

Family Picture Time!

2009-09-08T15:16:00.000-07:00

FAMILY PICTURE TIME!

We spent our Labor Day weekend hanging out with family and friends and taking our first family pictures! It's hard to believe Kayla will be 5 months old this Saturday. How time flies by!

Baby K and me!

The Watson's in color

Life with our Baby Girl at 4 months old!

2009-08-17T12:09:00.000-07:00

Our daughter Kayla is 4 months old!

It's hard to believe Kayla is already 4 months old. They weren't kidding when they say kids grow up fast! She is so much fun. Rolling over constantly and what a personality she is developing. We love hearing her laugh and coo. Parenthood is truly amazing. I haven't been this happy since my wedding day. Yes- sleep is minimal but it is so over-rated! ha ha

Mommy and Kayla

Daddy and his Little Girl!

Kayla playing in her Bumbo with her book:

Kayla Cooing:

Kayla's Measurements: 15 pounds 2 oz 26 inches long

Enjoying Parenthood!

2009-08-03T07:04:00.000-07:00

Parenthood truly is such a rewarding experience. We are enjoying every moment with Kayla. It is so much fun to watch her reach each milestone. Last night she rolled over and back and the best part? We got it on video!! (WARNING! Very annoying mommy in the background. I recommend muting before playing. I got a little excited. ha ha ha)

This past weekend we also had Kayla's Meet the Baby Shower. What a wonderful time it was. For so many years I have wanted to have a baby shower and finally I was able to have one! It was amazing to see how many people came and all of the presents baby Kayla received. This little girl has more clothes than mommy now I think. LOL

TO MY BEAUTIFUL BABY GIRL KAYLA

2009-07-23T15:59:00.000-07:00

TO MY BEAUTIFUL BABY GIRL KAYLA

Starlight Starbright

by: Nicolette Larson

Never thought that in a million years

Never thought that you would come to me

You're the answers to a million prayers.

You're the apple of my eye.

Ican hear you breathing next to me.

Just how lucky can one person be?

I am looking at a mystery

Everything i dream, more than i can wish for.

Starlight Starbright,

All day all night I will be right next to you.

Here forever, I will never leave, I will never leave.

Baby you're my little ray of light

I could find you in the darkest nights

If you cry then i will hold you tight

Never letting go,

I would do that for you.

Starlight Starbright,

All day all night I will be right next to you.

Here forever, I will never leave, I will never leave.

Baby I am here baby I am here

Starlight Starbright,

All day all night I will be right next to you.

Here forever,

I will never leave, I will never leave.

Welcome To The World
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnPtTOX6DLo

Newly Adopted Exclusive on the Lifetime Website!

2009-07-19T00:27:00.000-07:00

Newly Adopted Exclusive on the Lifetime Website

Here is the link below:

http://www.lifetimeadoption.com/newlyadopted.html

This was posted on the Lifetime Adoptions website today!

2009-07-17T12:53:00.000-07:00

This was just posted on Lifetime Adoptions website today :) We will also appear onthe Newly Adopted Page as well.

Kayla's Homecoming- July 9th 2009

2009-07-15T19:09:00.000-07:00

Kayla's Homecoming- July 9th 2009

We finally had clearance on Thursday July 9th to take Kayla back with us to AZ. Since we crossed state lines and she was born in Nevada the Interstate Compact just had to make sure all of the appropriate documents were signed before we could head home with our new daughter.

What a homecoming Kayla received! Our house was decorated inside and out and filled with presents from her cousins Carter & Bryce, Aunts, Uncles, Grandmas & Grandpa, and Great Grandma. We were so excited. The whole family came over to welcome Kayla to the family.

Grandma Mo & Kayla

Papa Tosto and Grandma Tosto with Kayla

Aunt Courtney and Uncle Weldon

Aunt Courtney & cousin Carter, Aunt Rhea & cousin Bryce, Me & Baby Kayla Great Grandma Davis, Grandma Mo, Kayla, Carter, Weston and me

Dreams Do Come True & Prayers Are Answered!

2009-07-13T10:18:00.000-07:00

WE ARE PARENTS!!!! I think I am still in shock!!

Sorry it has taken me so long to write. I am still adjusting to motherhood and Kayla is having tons of visitors every day.

Here is our Adoption Story:
We received a call from Lifetime Adoptions on June 24th that a birthmother had reviewed 9 profiles and wanted only us for her 2 1/2 month old baby girl Sophia. We were elated! We didn't have to wait for her to decide between 2 or 3 families. She only wanted us which was amazing!

Thursday June 25th the birthmother and I talked and we reported back to Lifetime that we both wanted to move forward. We had arranged for her to call back at 5:30pm so she could talk to my husband. I had forwarded our adoption 800# to my phone and headed down to my husband's office since he was working late and we waited and waited. No call :( We were heartbroken. The agency kept calling her and there was no response. We were sure she had changed her mind. So many emotions went through my head. "Did I say something wrong on the phone call?" I kept going over the conversation in my head and couldn't find anything I might have said to offend her. We decided to go get some dinner that night and I was so distraught, How could I be going through another type of loss again? This just wasn't fair. We were so close. Then little signs kept coming around me. I was walking around the shops near my husband's office and looked through the window of a souvenir shop. There they had personalized AZ license plates with names on it. There was a man looking at them and when he turned the spinning display the name Sophia faced directly toward me. Was this God's way of telling me this was going to work out? I'll admit, there was a little glimmer of hope still there in my heart but I have had that hope before and had my heart broken with my previous pregnancy losses so I tried not to look to much into it.

As everyone knows, June 25th was the day Michael Jackson died so there was a ton of coverage all over the television. I was at home watching a report on his death when they showed a girl dancing like Michael in front of the Apollo Theater. The announcer said, "and that was Sophie dancing like Michael Jackson." I immediately looked up and thought, "hmm that was weird."

I am a big believer that things happen in 3's so I thought, Okay- that is 2, am I going to get one more sign?" Then a Gerber baby commercial came on. It was a stretch but I counted it as sign #3 anyways.

Friday passed- still no word. Saturday passed- still no word. I was such an emotional wreck. The only thing that made me feel better was babysitting my almost 1 year old nephew. It's so weird but he is my saving grace. Whenever I am down I can just be around him and he lifts my spirits.

Sunday my husband took me to see a funny movie to get my mind off of things. It definitely helped brighten my mood. Then, it happened. SHE CALLED!! She apologized and said she had left for a trip to see her sister and forgotten her phone and that she hadn't changed her mind. She still wanted to move forward. We couldn't believe it.

That whole next week I was on the phone with attorneys and social workers. We found out Wed July 1st that the adoption would take place on July 6th and that we had to fly to Reno. We immediately bought our plane tickets and booked our hotel room. Needless to say I did not sleep well at all that week. I was excited, scared, anxious. I just wanted to go and pick up our baby at that moment.

Friday we went to Target and bought the car seat and stroller. I was so nervous. I felt like we shouldn't be there buying these things yet but my husband wanted to get the basic essentials we needed before we got to Reno so we wouldn't be rushing around.

Saturday was July 4th. I wanted to tell everyone so badly but we knew we had to wait until it was final. It’s kind of like when you are pregnant and don’t tell anyone until the 2nd trimester. You don’t want to announce it too early in case it doesn’t work out.

Sunday we hopped on a plane to Reno. The birthmother text me and told me she didn’t have a ride so we offered to pick her and the baby up for the Monday morning appointment., I was happy about this because one of my biggest fears was that she wouldn’t show up to the signing. Now we were picking her up so that wouldn’t be an issues.

That night my husband and I didn’t sleep. We were so filled with anxiety and anxious about the events that were to happen Monday morning.

The next morning we picked up the birthmother and the baby and I immediately fell in love. That little girl was so amazingly beautiful. We went to the social worker’s office and the signing began. Once all was said and done the time came for our birthmother to say goodbye to the baby. I think that was the hardest thing I have ever had to see. What a brave woman she is. I admire her strength and her trust in Weston and I to raise her birth daughter. She kept telling us she knew she was doing the right thing and that we could give her baby the kind of life she wouldn’t be able to provide for her. I asked her if she would like some time alone with the baby before we left and she said no. We dropped her off at her sister’s apartment. The 3 of us just hugged and tightly and said our goodbyes.

Dreams Do Come True & Prayers Are Answered. I love this little girl as if I carried her for 9 months. Our love for Kayla is more than we could have ever imagined and we feel so blessed and lucky to have her in our lives. Of course hindsight is 20/20 but it is amazing when you look back at your journey and realize why certain things happened the way they did. Losing my job back in October happened for a reason. We were supposed to meet this little girl at the exact time we did. It was all part of a big plan that we had no control over.

Today I look at Kayla in awe. I can't believe after 3 1/2 years and 5 pregnancy losses I am finally a mommy! My husband is finally a daddy, my parents are finally grandparents, my brother is finally an uncle. This is what I have prayed for every night and the time is finally here!

For anyone out there struggling with attaining a dream my advice to you is to keep pushing forward. Randy Pausch said it perfectly. “Brick walls are there for a reason. They help us prove how badly we want something.” My husband and I sure faced a lot of brick walls but we made it!

"Not flesh of my flesh, nor bone of my bone.

But, still miraculously, my own.

Never forget, for a single minute

You didn't grow under my heart, but in it."

-UNKNOWN

Our Beautiful Daughter Kayla Sophia!

It's The Simple Things That Matter

2009-06-16T09:40:00.000-07:00

Two Fridays ago my hubby and I were at Petco and adopted a water turtle named Crush for only $5. (my best friend Rhea helped me with the name since it was the name of the turtle in Finding Nemo) We kind of started laughing when they asked us if we were ready to sign the adoption papers. Oh how they have no idea how ready we are but for now we looked at this as "practice" for the real thing!

My favorite part about adopting this turtle was when our friends brought their little boy over to see him. The excitement on his face and the laugh he made when the turtle dove into the water just made us smile. After they left my husband said "seeing Bryce's reaction to the turtle was well worth the $5!" I realized then what a great father Weston is going to make. (not that I didn't already know but this confirmed it that much more) It's the little things that excite us when we are around our friends kids. We don't have to spend tons of money or show off. It is amazing how a $5 swimming turtle can brighten up your day when you you get to share it with a little kid who thinks it is the coolest thing he has ever seen. I can't wait for the day when we get to see our own child's smiling face when we show him or her the simple wonderful things life has to offer.

The Mayonnaise Jar and the Beer

2009-06-05T14:02:00.000-07:00

We are still waiting to be matched but we have opened our preferences more to include all Hispanic (along with our other preferences) so I am hoping this will allow more birth moms to view our profile and possibly be chosen sooner. It's only been about 2 months but of course I am still antsy. I am so eager to go out there and buy all of those fun baby things. Everytime I go to the store I have to resist the urge to buy something baby. LOL

A co-worker of mine sent this to me this past Monday and I thought I would share it with all of you: (I'm sure a lot of you have read this one but I still love it each time I read it)

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours
in a day are not enough, remember:

The Mayonnaise Jar and the 2 Beers

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in
front of him.

When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty
mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full.

They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the
jar He shook the jar lightly.

The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full.

They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.

Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full.

The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured
the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space
between the sand.

The students laughed..

'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to
recognize that this jar represents your life.

The golf balls are the important things---your family, your
children,your health, your friends and your favorite passions---and if
everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still
be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job,
your house and your car.

The sand is everything else---the small stuff.

'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no
room for the pebbles or the golf balls.

The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will
never > have room for the things that are important to you.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.

Spend time with your children.

Spend time with your parents.

Visit with grandparents.

Take time to get medical checkups.

Take your spouse out to dinner..

Play another 18.

There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.

Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter.

Set your priorities.

The rest is just sand.

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer
represented.

The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.'

The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem,
there's always room for a couple of Beers with a friend.

Please share this with someone you care about. I JUST DID!

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS...

...IT'S LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN !

LETS ALL DANCE IN THE RAIN SHALL WE?

These Things Will Change

2009-05-22T10:45:00.000-07:00

I saw my 10 month old nephew yesterday and he was so cute. He wouldn't let me leave the house when it was time to go. He kept hanging on to my shirt everytime I tried to hand him over to someone else. It made me feel really loved.

Today we should be celebrating our son's 1st birthday so I am feeling kind of sad.
I miss him so much but I am looking forward to the future.

Last night my mom and I went to the Taylor Swift concert and it was so much fun! I felt like a little girl again. I love her song Change. It reminds me not to give up and that things will change and I won't be childless forever. It was so inspiring to hear her sing it live last night.

Here are the lyrics:

CHANGE
By Taylor Swift

It's a sad picture;
The final blow hits you
Somebody else gets what you wanted again,
You know it's all the same,
Another time and place,
Repeating history and you're getting sick of it
But I believe in whatever you do,
And I'll do anything to see it through...
Chorus:
Because these things will change,
Can you feel it now?
These walls that they put up to hold us back
will fall down,
It's a revolution,
The time will come for us to finally win,
And we'll sing
Hallelujah
We'll sing
Hallelujah
Oh
So we've been outnumbered,
Threatened and now cornered,
It's hard to fight when the fight ain't fair,
We're getting stronger now,
find things they never found,
They might be bigger,
but we're faster and never scared.
You can walk away say "We don't need this"
But there's something in your eyes
says "We can beat this"
Chorus:
Because these things will change,
Can you feel it now?
These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down,
It's a revolution,
The time will come for us to finally win,
And we'll sing
Hallelujah
We'll sing
Hallelujah
Oh

Tonight we'll stand,
Get off our knees,
Fight for what we've worked for all these years,
and the battle was long,
It's the fight of our lives,
When we stand up,
Champions tonight
It was the night things changed,
Can you see it now?
These walls that they put up to hold us back...fell down,
It's a revolution,
Throw your hands up,
'cause we never gave in,
And we'll sing
Hallelujah
We sang
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Yeah

Have a great and safe weekend everyone!

The Wait Really Is the Hardest Part

2009-05-19T08:25:00.000-07:00

Wow-They weren't kidding when they said the wait is the hardest part. It's only been about a month in a 1/2 since we went active with Lifetime Adoptions and I am already getting antsy. I bring my phone everywhere in case they call. Everyday I pray they call but they don't. Today I find myself feeling very sad and wondering if I will ever be a mother. I didn't sleep very well last night and woke up and had a good cry after breakfast. Everyday I see others around me having babies and it makes me sad. Of course I am happy for everyone else but I want to experience the wonderful joys everyone else is posting about on their facebook or myspace pages and experience motherhood first hand. I have never wanted something so badly in my life.

I'm tired of taking things one step at a time. I'm tired of waiting. I'm just plan tired. Each month I still have that little hope inside me that I will be pregnant and that the next one will stick but this morning I realized I am so tired of all the worry. I am so ready to adopt a baby and really start my family with my husband. Today I just feel so broken. I know it is normal to have days like this and these feelings will too pass but I am just so ready.

Maybe I am feeling extra down because this Friday I should be celebrating our little boy's first birthday on May 22nd. He is the only baby we acutally saw a heartbeat with and then 3 weeks later he was gone. I still think about that day. The day I had to call my husband and tell him I lost yet another baby of ours. We were so close that time it still hurts to not know why we lost him.

I know I have to keep looking forward and not looking back at the past but it is just so hard sometimes. I look forward to the day we get that call from Lifetime and get to talk to our birth mother. I look forward to the day I get to finally bring my baby home and show him or her to the world. I look forward to making my parents grandparents and my brother an uncle finally. I look forward to the day I get to make my husband a father. I look forward to the day I am finally a mother.

Mother's Day While Waiting to Adopt

2009-05-09T21:26:00.000-07:00

Here it is, once again, Mother's Day. Each year around this time I find myself praying that I will be a mother to a living child one year from now and each year it is the same thing. Another pregnancy loss or 2 and another holiday where I watch all of my friends who are mothers get recognition as I sit by wishing and hoping and praying that someday I will get to celebrate this wonderful day not just as a daughter but as a mother myself. This year to date I have 5 angels in heaven that will celebrate Mother's Day with me in my heart.

It was so nice to check my email today and receive a Mother's Day e-card from my Adoption Coordinator Dee over at Lifetime. I think this is the first Mother's Day card I have ever gotten!

I am really impressed with the amount of attention Lifetime Adoptions gives its families waiting to be matched. Every month they have a teleconference where a recent adoptive mother shares her story. This past week the call was amazing. I was literally crying tears of happiness for the new mom who was on the phone. I can't wait for the day when I get to tell my story.

Below is also a message and a video from the founder of Lifetime (an adoptive mother herself) Mardie Caldwell:

"Mother's Day while waiting to adopt can be difficult. But it can also be a day to reflect upon your blessings and strengthen your resolve that you WILL become parents through adoption if you do not give up. We are praying for you today and every day!"

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to everyone out there!

Check out our adoption website and forward on to your family and friends!

http://www.lifetimeadoption.com/for_birtmothers/families/weston_lisa/index.html

"Officially Waiting"

2009-05-03T08:31:00.000-07:00

Now we are officially in the "waiting" period. This is the hard part where we just have to wait to be matched. They said the average time is between 3 months to a year to get matched with a birth mom. It's only been a couple of weeks and I am already getting antsy!! LOL I have never been one to be patient though so I guess this is good training for when the little one finally does get here.

A friend of mine just sent me this a few days ago and it really spoke to me. (especially with Mother's Day coming up) That is a hard holiday for me since I don't get acknowledged as a mother because I don't have a living child here on earth. Anyway- here is what she sent me:

I WILL BE...
There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought,
without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children,
I know that I will be a great mom. I will be a great mom not because of genetics,
or money or that I have read more books but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep,explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child,
knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.
Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to,
I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured.

I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbour, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as my own body has betrayed me.
I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.
I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won. So now, when others hurt around me,
I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely.

I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.
I have learned to appreciate life.

And yes I will be a wonderful mother.

Good video message from Mardie Caldwell, CEO of LIfetime Adoption, about "Waiting"

Profile Books Completed and Shipped!!

2009-04-21T12:36:00.001-07:00

I am so happy and relieved that we finally got our profile adoption books bound and sent off to the agency!!

Yesterday I was a total stress case because the printed pages were coming from the printer via UPS from Florida and were scheduled to arrive Monday April 20th. I had arranged for everyone to come over that evening so we could get to work right away. I had intended on having everything set up and ready to go but it didn't happen that way exactly. I anxiously waited all day for them to get to the house constantly looking out the window to see if that big brown truck was coming around the corner. 5pm hit, then 6pm hit. Still no package. I had Weston's mom, his aunt, and his cousin at the house waiting to help me get these books together and the truck still hadn't showed up with my package. I called UPS 3 times to make sure that the package was still set to arrive that day and they assured me that the driver should be there any minute. Weston's brother, his wife and their little 9 month old showed up to help as well around 7pm. There I was, with a house full of people to help me put these books together and no books! The UPS truck FINALLY got there at 7:20pm. Of course we were his last stop.

Pictured: Aunt Ro, Rhea, Courtney, and Me working on the books)
We diligently got to work and started doing the hole punches, threading the ribbons, adding the charms, tying the bows, taping the DVDs in, and the picture on front. I am so grateful for everyone that showed up as I could not have gotten these done with out them. After everyone left Weston and I went through them and had to sign each one.

My sister-in-law Courtney putting together a profile book

All boxed up, signed, and ready to go I finally dropped them off at UPS this morning. I can't explain to you the relief I felt walking out of that UPS store. The books are scheduled to get to the agency Thursday before noon and then they can start sending them out to birth moms to view us as a possible family for their child.

NOW THE REAL WAITING BEGINS!!

Adoption profile book is off to the printers FINALLY!!

2009-04-13T10:44:00.000-07:00

We finally got the book re-done and off to the printer!! I'm excited but nervous. I just want them to turn out nice you know? We've worked so hard on them and I just want them to be perfect. Right now I am making the 50 copies of our DVD slide show that will go into the books. This is all a lot of work and money but I know it will all be worth it when we have our little one here. I can't wait for that day.

The printer said that I should get them by next Monday. I hope they show up sooner than that so I can start assembling them. I should probably consider having a book binding party to get them done faster :) This all reminds me of getting ready for my wedding. There was so much to do. I remember having friends over to help me tie those little bows on all of the bells that were our name place holders.

So once I get the DVDs done I will have to make the labels and get 50 copies of our picture to go on the cover, assemble the books, ship them off to the agency, and then really begin to wait. Wait for birth moms to view our books, wait for someone to choose us. Just wait. But like I said, I would much rather have everything done and know that I did everything I could to stand out too those birth moms, and just wait for the call.

Frustration!

2009-04-07T12:47:00.001-07:00

So we are live now on the website which makes me so happy but I am also a little stressed out. We decided to change the profile picture since we both don't really like the one they used so that will be changed hopefully today.

Like I said, I worry A LOT! We finally got the changes that needed to be made to our profile book yesterday and last night we stayed up until 12am to get everything done. I sent it to the printer this morning and they told me that it was blurry and hard to read. After investigating things further we discovered that the book was saved in 72 dpi and not 300 dpi. (resolution quality) Although we upgraded it to 300 dpi when we made the changes we found out that Weston is going to have to do the whole thing over from scratch since it wasn't created in 300 dpi originally. It won't take as long since we know how everything is going to go but it is going to take at least a couple of hours since he built each page from scratch and there are 16 pages :( So now we are probably looking at a good 2 more weeks until the agency has any profile books of us.

This stresses me out because if they don't have any at the agency then we miss out on potential birth moms. I guess when you look at the big picture 3 weeks more is nothing but I'm Mrs. Impatient. I wish I knew how to do the Photoshop stuff myself so I could get it done ASAP and not burden Weston with it. I hate waiting.

Part of me wonders if this happened for a reason. Maybe the birth mom that chooses us isn't ready to view our profile yet? I would much rather have a nice quality book printed and have her be impressed than the "not too bad but not great" one we would be sending. I just need to be patient and that is the hardest thing to do. It's weird but we are working so hard to "hurry up and wait" but I want to be in the "waiting period" and not in the "still preparing everything period." We've been working on this for months and it's so exhausting!

We are Active and our Website is Live!!!

2009-04-06T08:36:00.001-07:00

I am so excited to report that we are now active and searchable by birth moms on the Lifetime website!! Please feel free to send this link to anyone you may know!!

http://www.lifetimeadoption.com/for_birtmothers/families/weston_lisa/index.html

Now- let the real waiting begin!!

A Sign

2009-04-01T14:08:00.000-07:00

Okay- so I mailed the final payment to the attorney today so we could go active with Lifetime. I was so nervous but now I feel relieved!! They should get it Friday and then we will be active and birth moms can start viewing our profile. They let me know our web page is finished and once they receive the payment it will go live. We need to record an audio message but I have no idea what we should say. Still waiting to hear about what changes need to be made to the profile book but I should hear soon. Then we can start producing the books and get that out to the agency as well.

I also called about getting an 800# set up and the guy I talked to was really nice. He said he was also an adoptive parent and gave me a one time fee and a great deal on calls per minute with no contract! I just want to run it by the hubby first but will probably call him and set it up tomorrow.

So- it is all coming together. I am so ready to be a mom. I was having major anxiety about paying all of this money last night and making that final payment. But the strangest thing happened. As I was watching TV, trying to control my anxiety, I turned the channel and the Flintstones movie came on. (the one with John Goodman for the 90's) Weird right? You might ask, what is the significance of that? Well right when I turned the channel to the movie Wilma was confronting Fred about spending money. Then he explained that the money was for Barney and Betty so they could adopt a baby. A sign? I think so! Isn't it weird how little things like that happen? I took it as a sign to not be so scared and to keep pushing forward and go for it. So I did!

Dad's surgery and my visit to the hospital

2009-03-31T20:30:00.000-07:00

Today I talked to our agency and we should hear back regarding what changes we need to make to our profile book hopefully tomorrow. Once we get those changes we will send the final off to the printer to make the 50 books which will be mailed off to birth moms to learn more about us. I've been feeling really antsy lately. I just want to get this going and go active on the website and have birth moms start viewing us and hopefully get chosen soon.

Today my dad had surgery and while I was at the hospital 4 times I heard the lullaby that indicated a baby was born. It made me wish I was at the hospital for that same reason. When I arrived to the hospital this morning I was to meet my mom on the 2nd floor. Once I got off the elevator I had two options. Go right to the the OB birthing unit or go left to the surgery waiting room. I was so tempted to go to the right and see if I could view any new moms rocking their newborn babies but I resisted. As I made my way left to the waiting room I passed by the OB Birthing classroom. I'll admit it, when I went to the same hospital in 2005 for my mom's surgery I really thought the next time I would be there would be because I was giving birth. That is always the hospital I have dreamed of having my baby at. I pass by it every time I go to my parent's house.

Some days I think I am resolved to the fact that I may never give birth and some days it is that much harder to deal with that reality. I guess I just feel blessed and lucky enough to know what it is like to get a positive on that pregnancy test or to see a baby with a heartbeat on that monitor. I know some women don't even get those little joys and I did and for that I am forever grateful.

I am so excited to adopt and I know that this is the path Weston and I were supposed to take all along. We will love the baby we adopt so much and I know we will not be able to comprehend how our lives would be different without him or her once they arrive. I used to believe that to be a mom I would have to give birth myself but now I see that is not the case and I know that will become more obvious when I am finally holding that precious baby in my arms.

Who knows what the journey ahead holds for us. Maybe we will adopt more than one, maybe we won't. I am just so excited for the day when we finally get to bring our own little miracle home and show him or her off to the world. Praying that is sooner rather than later. If all goes well we should be active with the adoption agency by next week!!

We are Certified!!

2009-03-24T17:37:00.001-07:00

Finally! I got the call today from my social worker that we are finally certified to adopt in the state of AZ. Although this is a little step it is a step in the right direction. Even though I had been told time and time again that there is no way we wouldn't be certified there was still a part of me that worried. I always tell my friends, if I could get paid to worry I would be a millionaire because that is what I do best. Worry. It should be my middle name.

So what's next you may ask? Well, now we can begin contacting attorneys. Now we can go active with our agency once we make our final payment. Now we can begin moving forward and I don't have to feel like we are just sitting around "waiting" anymore to get things started. Hopefully by April we will be active and will start being viewed by birth moms.

Just waiting for the input regarding our profile book and what changes need to be made. So we are moving in the right direction which makes me happy.

One Tiny Step Closer

2009-03-23T15:55:00.000-07:00

Today I received word from Heidi, the website coordinator over at Lifetime Adoptions. She said they received the materials I sent out Thursday and are now building our website with the pictures I enclosed. We are now waiting approval of our profile book so we can make the needed changes and then make the 50 copies which the agency will then send out to birth moms to view once we are active. So, now there is more waiting to be had but at least they have our materials and we are one step closer to being active.

Lifetime Adoption Center

2009-03-23T15:42:00.001-07:00

Last year, after my 3rd pregnancy loss, I did a lot of research on various agencies and on adoption as a whole. We looked at going through a private attorney and talked to a few. Weston had called an attorney that many people had recommended and she was very rude to him when he called with questions. It was so disappointing because we were so eager to talk to her and learn more but after her practically biting Weston's head off and telling him since we weren't certified yet she didn't really have time to answer his questions we were completely turned off.

I researched and talked to a lot of agencies but I kept coming back to Lifetime Adoptions. There was just something about them that kept me going back. We were all ready to sign on with them in October of 2008 when I was laid off from my job. Even though I called them back, after receiving the contract, they allowed us to stay on the list of prospective families and continued to remain in contact with me all through my job search. They were so supportive and we weren't even officially a Lifetime family yet. After my 4th pregnancy loss the week of Christmas 2008 I knew in my heart that we were meant to adopt. It really made me realize that adoption is such an amazing miracle and I can't wait for the day when we finally get word that our little miracle is here. In the mean time, I guess we just have to...... you guessed it.... continue to wait.

Waiting for Certification

2009-03-23T07:39:00.000-07:00

Well- It's been a little over a month since our home study report was sent in by our social worker and we still haven't heard back yet from the state. I am really starting to get antsy but my social worker assures me that this is completely normal. When I called a couple of weeks ago she said that she had just received 2 other family's certification that she had submitted 2 weeks prior to ours. I'm a praying that we get the paperwork this week along with our tax return. Once we have both of those we can proceed with our agency and hopefully go active very soon so we can start being viewed by birth moms.

Here is what we had to do for the home study:

HOME STUDY

First, we had to be finger printed to make sure neither of us have criminal records. (which we don't' of course :) ) Then we had to fill out a huge packet full of info regarding our financial stability, our family members, their addresses, our daily routines, our employers etc. We also had to get medical clearance from our general Dr. stating that we were healthy enough to care for a child. Talk about feeling like you are being put under a microscope to see whether you are good enough to be a parent.

Once that was completed we had to ask 3 family members and 3 friends to write recommendations on our behalf. We had all of that turned in and were ready to go with the actual home visit when I lost my job due to being laid off in October. Talk about bad timing :( So everything had to be put on hold until January when I had a new job and was able to reschedule the visit.

THE HOUSE VISIT:
Our social worker came to the house and sat down with us and asked us various questions.
Why do we want to adopt?
What gender and race are we willing to adopt?
What kind of discipline to we believe in?
What activities do we plan on doing with the child once they are old enough?
What school will the child attend?
Who will baby sit until the child is old enough to attend school?
She also asked us about how we met and our lifestyle as a couple.
What was the first thing that made us notice each other?
How do we resolve arguments?
Those types of questions

After the questions were done she did a brief walk through and we showed her where the baby's nursery will be and she viewed the backyard.

All in all is was pretty painless. She was at the house for about 2 hours and then we set up our one on one appointments with her.

ONE ON ONE APPOINTMENTS:
This is where our social worker met with us individually and simply asked us about our up bringing. Basically-what was our childhood like. How did our parent's discipline us. Where we went to school. What activities we were involved in etc.

After both of us went and had our one-on-one appointments she wrote up her report and her recommendations and submitted it to the commissioner for certification approval for the state of AZ. This is what we are waiting for. I have been told that it takes 4-6 weeks to get this back and I think we are at week 5 or 6 at this point so I am hoping it arrives soon. Our social worker assured us that she sees us having no problem being certified but still I want to have that paperwork so I can feel like I am one step closer to finally being a mom and having a baby.

I am so impatient. I want instant gratification and with the challenges we have faced trying to start our family I haven't gotten that of course. So now that we are on the adoption journey and of course I wish things would move a little faster than they are. But I am hanging in there and learning to be patient. We are doing everything we can on our end to make sure we are moving forward. At this point we just have to wait.

Wait for certification. Wait for our tax return so we have the money. Wait to get approval from our agency of our profile book so we can start making copies. Just wait. Waiting is the hardest part. I also know that once we are active with our agency and birth moms are viewing our profile we will have to wait some more. So I guess you could say I am learning a very valuable lesson in patience.

Our Adoption Journey

2009-03-20T11:23:00.001-07:00

OUR ADOPTION JOURNEY

Most of you are aware of our struggles to start our family. After 5 pregnancy losses we are now venturing into the world of adoption. We are very excited to be adopting and are hoping that through this blog we can share our experience and help others that may be thinking about going through the process themselves.

This is also a way to get the word out to everyone that if you do hear of any pregnant women out there who are considering adoption to please let us know. You can contact us through this blog or via email at lisa_weston@live.com. We will also have a toll free number set up soon which I will post on this page. Any help or leads anyone can give us would be greatly appreciated. Below is a little slide show we have included in our profile with the adoption agency we are using. Enjoy!

http://www.lifetimeadoption.com/

Our webpage with Lifetime Adoptions:

http://www.lifetimeadoption.com/for_birtmothers/families/weston_lisa/index.html

1-800-923-6784

PLAYLIST